


Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow

by McBangle



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Fanart, Fluff, Haircuts, Humor, Jack Zimmermann Gets a Haircut, Jack Zimmermann's Birthday, Lying to Spare Feelings, M/M, References to Quarantine
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-31
Updated: 2020-07-31
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:42:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,220
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25629160
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/McBangle/pseuds/McBangle
Summary: Bitty had always cut Jack's hair during the quarantine, and it made Jack happy to see Bitty's pride at his work. So on the eve of his 30th birthday party, he naturally asks his Very Favorite Barber to cut his hair....Wherein, sometimes you have to lie to spare your loved one's feelings. Written for the prompt "Jack gets a bad haircut".
Relationships: Eric "Bitty" Bittle/Jack Zimmermann
Comments: 8
Kudos: 71
Collections: Jack Zimmermann Turns 30!





	Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow

**Author's Note:**

> This is set in a 2020 where the COVID-19 quarantine happened. CW for brief references to the quarantine, which is already over at the start of this fic.
> 
> Literal days before posting this, I realized it would be incredibly irresponsible for Jack to have a big party under the current circumstances, so let's just say that this is an AU where COVID-19 had been cured or eradicated by August 2020.

“Jack, are you sure you want me to do this?” Bitty’s hand hovers uncertainly in the air, the hair clippers centimetres from Jack’s head.

“Of course, bud. You did all my haircuts during the quarantine, and they were always great,” Jack reassures him.

“Always” is a kind exaggeration. His first quarantine haircut had been uneven – the left side was noticeably shorter than the right, and longer hairs had poked out among their closer-cropped neighbors, tickling at the back of his neck – but Bitty’s haircutting skills have improved over time. Besides, Bitty is always so proud of his work. Nothing could make Jack happier than making Bitty happy.

“But you didn’t have a choice then,” Bitty argues. “You could go to a real barber now.”

Jack places his hand on Bitty’s reassuringly and smiles up at him from his seat in the kitchen. “You’re my favorite barber.”

Point scored. Jack can practically see the worry easing from Bitty. His shoulders loosen and his face lights up in a goopy smile. It doesn’t last long enough, though; after a moment Bitty shakes his head and props his left fist against his hip defiantly.

“Jack Laurent Zimmermann, tomorrow is your thirtieth birthday! I will not have you attending your party with a lopsided amateur haircut. Your parents will be there! And all of the Falconers!” He inhales a scandalized gasp. “And the SMH team! Think of the chirps!”

“No one will make fun of my hair,” Jack insists.

“Have you met our friends?” Bitty scowls.

Jack wraps both of his arms around Bitty’s waist and pulls him in for a hug. He presses his cheek against Bitty’s chest, savoring his fresh scent and the feel of Bitty’s heartbeat against his ear. “I don’t care if they make fun of me. I love it when you cut my hair. Please, Bits? Make it your early birthday present to me.”

Bitty sighs delightedly. Jack knows that sigh. That’s the sigh that means Jack has won. He’d bet money that if he could see Bitty’s face right now, he’d have heart eyes. He snuggles his face in tighter against Bitty’s chest so Bitty can’t see his victorious grin.

“This boy.” Bitty cards his fingers through Jack’s too-long hair, then sighs another time. “All right.”

Jack sits back and beams up at Bitty. “You’ll do it?”

Bitty rolls his eyes and smiles proudly down at him. “Yes, Jack. I will trim your hair. And if it turns out badly, you can tell Ransom and Holster that it was all your fault for being too damn stubborn to get your hair cut by a professional!”

Bitty straightens the towel draped around Jack’s shoulders and fastens it with a bag clip. He places both palms against Jack’s cheeks, tilting his head this way and that. “Hmm…” He finger combs Jack’s hair, gently pulling it up toward the ceiling and then down over his forehead, and then circles around Jack’s chair.

“What are you doing?” Jack cranes his neck to see Bitty.

“Shush, and straighten back up!” Bitty playfully nudges Jack’s jaw with a knuckle, directing him to face forward again. “I’m getting a sense of what I’m working with.” He finishes his circle around Jack, chin in hand. “Not too bad. I just need to pull it up off your ears, take a bit off the back and sides, and trim up your bangs.”

“I don’t have bangs,” Jack protests.

“Sure you don’t, sweetheart.”

It starts out all right. Bitty sets the clipper to its usual length and starts with Jack’s left sideburn. He carefully trims around Jack’s ear, a typical danger zone, and deftly trims his left side.

Bitty pauses to admire his work in progress. “Perfect,” he praises himself. He gently runs his fingers over the newly-shorn hairs. “But then again, I have the perfect model to work with.”

Jack’s heart swells. This is why he loves having Bitty cut his hair. He loves Bitty’s pride in a job well done, and he loves knowing that he contributed to that pride, even if all he had to do was sit in place for a few minutes.

Bitty’s working on the back of his head when Jack hears it.

“Oops!”

That is not something you want to hear during a haircut.

“What? ‘Oops’ what?” Jack instinctively reaches a hand to touch the area that Bitty had just been trimming. Bitty slaps it away.

“Nothing! It’s fine, Jack! It’s… going to be fine. I just need to clean it up a teeny, tiny bit,” Bitty insists. Jack can tell from higher-than-usual pitch of his voice that everything is _not_ fine.

Bitty takes in a deep breath and slowly blows it out behind Jack. “Okay. This is not so bad. It’s salvageable.”

 _“Salvageable?”_ Jack cranes his neck around to look at Bitty, just as Bitty reaches forward again with the clipper. Bitty nearly clips Jack’s right ear before hopping backwards with a yelp.

“Jack! Stop it! You’re making me nervous!” Bitty chides him.

 _“I’m_ making _you_ nervous?” Jack asks incredulously.

“Yes, and you don’t want a nervous man cutting your hair so just… just _calm down_.” Bitty crosses his arms across his chest and glares at Jack.

Jack sighs. “You’re right. Sorry, Bits.” He dutifully faces forward again.

Bitty huffs out another deep breath. “It’s fine. It’s _fine,_ Jack.” He turns the clipper back on and resumes trimming the back of Jack’s head. “I just need to fix it up a little.”

“When you say ‘fix it’…” Jack whips his head around again. This time he feels the clipper buzz closely against his scalp just above his right ear before Bitty yanks the clipper away.

“Stop moving so much, you’re making it worse!” Bitty practically screeches.

Jack’s heart races. That does _not_ sound good. How much worse is “worse”?

Still, he knows there’s sense in Bitty’s words, no matter how much he wants to see whatever is happening on the back (and now side) of his head. Fidgeting during his haircut was not a wise idea. “You’re right, bud. That’s on me.” He turns himself around again.

“That’s _right_ it’s on you,” Bitty replies. “You just remember that, now.”

Jack forces himself to stay stock still as Bitty restarts the haircut. Why hadn’t he listened when Bitty had told him to go to a barber? He can’t afford a bad haircut the night before his thirtieth birthday party. He thinks back to the mess of the first haircut that Bitty had given him. Surely it couldn’t be _that_ bad, could it?

Bitty finishes up his back, making occasional thoughtful noises as he goes, and then moves along to Jack’s right side. He must be nearly done, now. He carefully trims Jack’s right edge line, over his ear, and his right sideburn and then starts trimming up the right side of Jack’s head.

Out of the corner of Jack’s eye, he can see the hair falling onto the towel across his right shoulder. Quite a bit of hair. Much more hair than he is used to being trimmed off.

He can feel the blade of the clipper high and tight against his head.

“Um, Bits?” Jack asks. “Are you giving me a buzz cut?”

The clipper in Bitty’s hand freezes just above Jack’s temple. “N- no. Not a buzz cut. I just…” He sighs and walks around to look Jack in the eye. “It’s cropped very close just above your ear from when you turned around so suddenly. I need to trim it shorter than usual to even it out. But I’ll leave the length you like on top.” He swallows and nods his head curtly. “It’ll look fine when I’m done with it.”

Jack’s heart thuds against his chest, but he forces himself to smile at Bitty. He lays his right hand on Bitty’s left. “I’m sure it will.”

Bitty nods again. “Thank you. Now let me get back to work.”

After a few more minutes of trimming, Bitty comes around to face Jack again. He narrows his eyes, focusing on Jack’s hair.

“How does it look?” Jack asks hopefully.

“Um…” Bitty runs both hands over the sides of Jack’s head. He bites his lip and tilts his head to the side, squinting his eyes. Finally he shakes his head. “I need to trim the left side some more.”

Jack holds his hand up defensively against the left side of his head. “The left side? But you said the left side was perfect!”

Bitty rolls his eyes. “Well it _was. Before._ But now that the right side’s so much shorter, the left side looks off. It need to make it even, Jack.”

Jack closes his eyes for a beat. “Okay,” he breathes out. “You’re right. Go ahead.”

Bitty makes quick work of trimming up Jack’s left side before moving on to the back.

“Really, you have to redo the back too?” Jack whines.

“Do you want me to give you a mullet, Jack?” Bitty threatens.

Jack stops complaining after that.

After a few more minutes of work, Bitty sets the clipper down on the kitchen island, trims Jack’s bangs with hair shears and gives his hair a few other finishing touches. Finally, he sets the shears down as well, steps back and circles around Jack a final time, evaluating his work.

Bitty is gnawing at his thumbnail as he returns to face Jack. He looks Jack in the eyes nervously. “Well, it’s even.”

Is that the best he can say about the haircut?

Jack tentatively runs his fingertips across the short bristles on the side of his head. “Can I see it?” he asks.

“Oh!” Bitty jumps. “Of course! Lets go to the bathroom.”

Jack stares at his reflection in the mirror. His hair is closely cropped up to a line that encircles his head just below his temples. The hair above mushrooms out in a… well… in an inverted bowl. He has a bowl cut. It is unmistakably a bowl cut.

“So…?” Bitty twists his fingers anxiously.

Jack turns to face Bitty and plasters on his brightest smile. “It’s great!”

Bitty releases a deep breath. “Really?”

“Yes!” Jack nods. “It will be nice and cool during the August heat!”

Bitty’s eyes light up. “Yes! Yes, you’re right, Jack! This haircut will be perfect for the summer!”

“Ah…” Jack runs a hand across the stubble at the back of his head. “Yeah. Sure.”

* * *

Jack spends far too much time the next evening struggling to gel his bangs up and over to the side. No matter how much product he uses, they stubbornly flop down like two limp curtains framing the middle of his forehead. _“Merde,”_ he mutters.

“The haircut’s that bad, huh?” Bitty asks behind him.

 _Crisse._ Jack would never have complained out loud if he’d realized that Bitty had come into the room. “No!” He puts his media face on before turning to face his husband.

Bitty looks handsome as usual in a stylish grey suit and Falconers’ blue bow tie, but practically shrinks into himself with worry. His shoulders slump, his lower lip juts out, and he looks sadly up at Jack with his impossibly big brown eyes.

“Not bad at all! I just wish I could get this one bit to fall differently, but otherwise I love it,” Jack lies blatantly.

“Hmm…” Bitty rubs some pomade in his hands and then carefully swoops Jack’s bangs up and to the right. They stay in place for a record ten seconds before strand after strands breaks loose and falls forward onto Jack’s forehead.

“Of course. I couldn’t even style your bangs right!” Bitty buries his face in his hands. “Oh Jack! I’m sorry I tried to blame you for moving while I was trimming your hair. You did nothing wrong. This is all my fault! I should have insisted on taking you to a professional barber. I’ve ruined your birthday! And your beautiful hair!”

“Bits, no.” Jack gently pries Bitty’s hands away from his face and holds them in his own. “You haven’t ruined anything. It’s just hair; it’ll grow back. And anyway, I like it,” he adds hurriedly.

Bitty bites his lip. “If we leave now, we just have enough time for a quick visit to the barber before your party. He’ll fix it.”

“It doesn’t need fixing,” Jack insists. “It’s cool!”

Bitty furrows his brow. “You think so?”

“I think it’s…” Jack struggles for the correct word before settling on “fashion-forward.”

“Huh.” Bitty tilts his head this way and that, sizing Jack up. “I suppose, with the right styling, it could be a bit edgy.”

“Yes! Edgy! That’s what I was thinking too!” Jack proclaims.

Bitty shakes his head. “But edgy is not your style.”

“It’s my new style!” Jack declares. “I was in need of a makeover anyway. I’m married to the most fashionable man in Providence; I need to keep up with you.”

Bitty actually blushes. “Oh, Jack. You do know how to say all the right things.” He gently bats Jack on the arm.

Jack pulls Bitty in for a kiss, confident that he’s won this argument. “My haircut is great because _you_ cut it. And I couldn’t be prouder to be by your side, at my thirtieth birthday party, showing off your haircut.”

* * *

Bitty twists his fingers together. “This was a bad idea.”

“You keep saying that.” Jack kisses him on the crown of his head. “It’ll be fine.”

“They’re all going to laugh at you, and it will be my fault,” Bitty predicts.

“No one is going to laugh at me at my birthday party.” At least, Jack hopes they won’t. With their friends, he can’t be certain.

Bitty hovers next to Jack as guests begin to trickle in to the ballroom they’d rented out for the party. He smiles his best congenial party host smile, but Jack knows him well enough to see there’s something just a bit fake behind his smile. That, and the way that Bitty’s fingers dig into Jack’s bicep give away his anxiety.

 _“I’m telling you it’s fine,”_ Jack whispers. _“Nobody’s said anything.”_

And it’s true; the first few guests have all greeted them without so much as a chirp nor a snicker. Sure, a smile had played at the corner of Thirdy’s mouth as he’d wished Jack a happy thirtieth and Marty’s gaze may have wandered toward Jack’s hair a few too many times to be accidental, but nothing that couldn’t be waved away.

 _“Yet,”_ Bitty hisses back. _“And only because the only people here so far are the Falcs veterans and rookies. They’re all either too polite or too in awe of you to chirp you to your face. Just wait until Ransom and Holster get here.”_

As if Bitty had summoned them by speaking their names, the former D-men in question make their entrance at just that moment. Jack steels himself for whatever verbal punishment they’re about to mete out. He’s pretty sure Bitty is holding his breath.

“Looking good, Jack!” Ransom whacks him on the back.

“You don’t look a day over 29 and a half!” Holster shakes his hand in a bone crushing grip.

And then they both make a beeline for the carving station. Just like that.

Bitty lets out the breath that Jack had known he was holding and turns to Jack. “What was that?”

“That was two of our loudest, most obnoxious friends not making a single joke about my hair, because it looks great!” Jack holds back the instinct to pump his fist. Two down; just a few more to go.

Not a minute later, Shitty and Lardo burst into the room arm-in-arm.

Shitty envelopes him in a hug. “Jackabelle! The man of the night! Looking motherfucking gorgeous as always!”

“Shits.” Jack grins. “I’m so glad you guys were able to make it tonight.”

“As if I would ever miss my best bro’s thirtieth birthday party. You wound me, sir.” Shitty holds a hand over his heart.

Lardo smirks at them both. “Happy thirtieth.” She fist bumps Jack and then drags Shitty into the party before he can monopolize Jack all night.

“What is happening?” Bitty wonders. Jack didn’t even know it was anatomically possible for Bitty’s eyebrows to raise as high as they are at that moment.

“Everyone is enjoying themselves at this lovely party that you put a lot of work into planning.” Jack squeezes his shoulder. “Have I thanked you for that lately, by the way? Thank you. From the bottom of my heart.”

“Now Shitty… Shitty’s just too loyal to make fun of you,” Bitty reasons.

“I don’t know, Bits, Shitty’s chirped me plenty over the years,” Jack argues.

“Lardo probably just didn’t want to deal with hassle of whatever lecture Shitty would have given her if she’d teased you in front of him,” Bitty continues.

“She hears his lectures all day long,” Jack points out. “I think she’s immune to them by now.”

“And Ransom and Holster… well I just don’t know what’s going on with Ransom and Holster. They usually speak their minds.”

“I think they did speak their minds,” Jack suggests. “They just didn’t have anything insulting to say.”

“Maybe?” Bitty looks unconvinced. “But Tater couldn’t pass up a chance to make a joke to save his life. There is no way we’re getting out of this party without getting chirped by Tater.”

Tater finally arrives few minutes later. He somehow manages to steal an entire tray of hors d’oeuvres within seconds of walking in the door. “Little B, you make these puff pastries? Sooooo good!” He moans semi-orgasmically. “Ooh! Are those stuffed mushrooms?” He speeds off in search of more food.

Bitty blinks. And then blinks again. “Nobody noticed!”

“There was nothing to notice!” Jack squeezes Bitty’s hand. “I told you, Bits. It looks good. Just like a professional haircut. Now come on.” He tugs Bitty toward the dance floor. “I want to dance with my husband on my birthday.”

* * *

Chat log

August 3, 2:37 PM

Jack

Bitty cut my hair yesterday. Not one chirp in front of him or I will ensure that none of you get pie for a year.

Or jam.

Lards

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

Tater *potato emoji* ))

ok zimmboni

Ransom

How bad are we talking about here?

Holster

Pics or it didn’t happen

Jack

You’ll see tonight

Ransom

!!!

Holster

Boo!

Ransom

How are we supposed to prepare ourselves if we don’t know what we’re dealing with??

Shits

Jack my man, you know I’d never make fun of you

Lards

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAH

Shits

If pie was on the line

Lards

We’ll be on our best behavior

No promises

August 4, 1:49 AM

Tater *potato emoji* ))

is ok for chirps now?

Jack

OK

Tater *potato emoji* ))

i hear bowl cuts are coming back in style

for 4 year old kids

Holster

I didn’t realize you were auditioning for the Dumb and Dumber reboot!

Ransom

Ooh nice one

I was thinking more Moe Howard myself

Shits

Don’t listen to them, Jack. You looked like a goddamn icon tonight

Ransom

3 Stooges?

Anyone?

Shits

I’ve got the munchies and I’m short on clean dishes

Can I borrow the bowl Bitty used for your haircut?

Jack

Haha, very funny. Get it all out here where Bits can’t see it.

Lardo, you’ve been quiet. Anything to add?

Lards

*Shrug emoji* could be worse


End file.
